Pickup Lines

A guy in line with me at the post office points at the bokan sword and nunchaku I plan to ship.

Him, "I'm not going to mess with you."
Me, "I'm a lover, not a fighter. I don't even hurt animals."
Him, "I don't hurt animals either."
Me, "... Do you eat them?"
Him, (brain exploding) "b...but that doesn't hurt them."
Me, raises eyebrows.
Him, "I guess asking for your number is out of the question."
Me, "Yeap."

Missed Connections

I picked the sweater up off the ugly airport carpet. Who cares which airport it was: they all have hideous carpet. You'd never put it in your house. The sweater, on the other hand, was something I would have in my apartment. It was pink and really soft. It had faux mother-of-pearl buttons. I'm a girl who notices those things. Don't tell anyone.

"Miss, you dropped your sweater," but she didn't reply. I put my hand on her shoulder and repeated myself. She spun around really fast. She looked down at the sweater and her face spoke a gestalt moment.

"Thank you very much," she said with soft consonants and sibilant hush. I realize she's deaf and her face tells me my face says so. There's a long awkward pause. It probably wasn't that long. Another wave of shame passes through me. She starts to turn away. I grab her shoulder and duck back into her line of sight.

"I'm sorry. I'm ignorant." Her dismay transforms into a smile. She reaches up, squeezes my shoulder, and winks. She makes 2 signs and adds words to each, "thank-you" and "weird". Thank goodness, I'm not a complete asshole. For the record I only remember the sign for 'weird'.

Bro Haiku

I drank your beer.
Sorry about that, bro.
Have you seen my hair gel?