The Pants

Over breakfast, a friend tells me about a date she'd been on the night before.

My friend drives to South Beach and meet a guy on Lincoln by the sushi restaurant he's selected. He's nice enough and tells my friend about his work at National Geographic magazine as a staff photographer. After the first bottle of Saki he begins to slur his words. He seems overly interested in going back to his place. He baits the hook with a hot tub. He recommends she go au naturale when she protests that she is sans appropriate swimwear.

She suggests they stop at a bar on South point for a few more drinks before wrapping up their date. The bar she takes him to is my place of employment. We've known eachother for years. We used to tend bar together at the country club when I first moved to Miami. My girlfriend gives me 'the sign'. Her companion orders two shots of vodka. I nod and within seconds I place the two shot glasses on the counter. She takes one and welcomes the sensation of ice water in her mouth, knowing that he's enjoying an equal volume of cheap vodka. He slides his credit card across the bar and she turns to me and winks with a sly smile. They consume four more shots in such a fashion.

He's so drunk that he can barely speak. He gurgles something about his place and a hot tub. She tells him that while they're right on the beach that they should go for a swim in the ocean. He makes noises of protest. She assures him that since the moon is full that it will be great, very romantic, erotic even.

They arrive at the beach after a short walk. He begins to disrobe and turns to her. She stands in awe as he inquires why she isn't stripping. She asks him if he would test the water to see if it's cold. He assures her that she can stick my feet in to test it. She tells him that sometimes water is warm on top and cold underneath. In his one valiant gesture since assuming that her body is included with purchase of one dinner, he bounds off into the ocean. She grabs his pants and inserts the contents of his pockets into his sneakers. She proceeds to her car and abandons him sans pants on the beach, several blocks from his hot tub.

He calls the next day and much to her surprise he asks her on another date. Suspicious, she apologizes and tells him that she is happy to return his pants. He insists that he's genuinely intrigued; he's never met a girl like her before.