Brown Paper Bag

Upon entering the house we noted that the party atmosphere was already well developed; drunken college students lined the warm, dimly lit halls. An energetic young man with a paper bag approached the three of us and inquired if we had seen any "dog poo". He whispers the forbidden words in an exaggerated gesture of etiquette. He explained that he wanted to leave the bag on a neighbors doorstep after lighting it on fire. This is a classic scenario that we all appreciated and my friends and I chuckled at the thought.

He lamented that the recent snowfall had obscured all of the available feces and wanted to know if we had passed any fresh deposits on our way to the party. I said "no" and my friend recommended that he look at the house across the street where she had noticed a dog squatting. The boy barely paused to thank us before rocketing out the front door.

We all got beer to drink and began to mingle with other attendees when the young man returned. This time his request was different, "Would you poop in this bag?" We laughed and said no.

Fast forward 6 beers.

"Would you poop in this bag?" I started to say "no" when much to my surprise one of my girlfriends said "give me that!" and snatched the bag from the young man's hand. She grabbed my sleeve and dragged me to the basement bathroom. I stood watch with a sense of awe and admiration for my friend. After about fifteen minutes she emerged from the bathroom, hair and make-up fresh, and a paper bag with a noticeable weight in the bottom.

I'm not sure what happened to that bag but I can assure you she is something else.